Scrolltext:

POMPEY PIRATES MENU 113! ERR... EXTRAORDINARY. THE POMPEYS HAVE PUT YET MORE OLD STUFF ON A MENU. AMAZING. WHAT WILL THEY DO NEXT... HMMM... WHAT A QUESTION! THE ANSWER IS, I DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE CLUE! IN THREE WEEKS FROM THE TIME I WRITE THIS SCROLLER (WHICH IS PROBABLY NOW AS YOU READ IT JUDGING FROM OUR RECENT TRACK RECORD) I SHALL BE POPPING ORF TO COLLEGE TO DO SOME SERIOUS SWOTTING FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS, SO CRACKING WILL DROP DOWN MY PRIORITY LIST FASTER THAN AN IRAQI PLANE BEING SHOT DOWN! ANYWAY, THE REASON FOR PUTTING THESE RATHER OLD GAMES ON A MENU IS AGAIN BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN REQUESTED BY PEOPLE. I HAVEN'T HEARD OF ANYONE DOING THE HEROQUEST EXTENSION ON A MENU ANYWAY, SO THAT MAY BE A FIRST. OF COURSE, NORMAN LAMONT MIGHT BE COMPETENT AS WELL. TOPLESS FERGIE HAVING HER TOE SUCKED! SHOCK HORROR! GO ON ANDY, HANG THE COW! BEHEAD HER! THE FOUL STRUMPET, TAKE HER TO THE GUILLOTINE! I MUST SAY THE SUDDEN AMERICAN AND BRITISH INTEREST IN TEACHING SADDAM A LESSON IS A BIT ODD. SADDAM KILLING THE SHIAS IN SOUTHERN IRAQ IS NOT EXACTLY HOT NEWS AFTER ALL! SURELY THE FORTHCOMING U.S. PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT... PRESUMABLY THE FACT THAT PEOPLE ARE GETTING INCREASINGLY PISSED OFF WITH THE TORY GOVERNMENT IN BRITAIN BEING ON HOLIDAY HALF THE YEAR IS ALSO A COINCIDENCE... LOOKS LIKE THE POLITICIANS ARE ONCE AGAIN GOING TO TAKE OUR MINDS OFF STUFF LIKE THE RECESSION AND STARVING AFRICANS BY KICKING THE CRAP OUT OF SADDAM ONCE MORE... HEY! MAYBE THAT WAS WHY WE DID NOT FINISH THE SOD OFF THE FIRST TIME! THEY KNEW THEY WERE ONTO A GOOD THING, THEY CAN RECYCLE THE GULF WAR WHENEVER THINGS LOOK BLEAK AT HOME! THE FIRST RECYCLABLE WAR! ...ODD THAT WE ARE PREPARED TO USE FORCE TO PROTECT THE SHIAS, WHO ARE NOT EXACTLY OUR GREATEST FANS, BUT ARE DOING ALMOST SOD ALL TO HELP THE PEOPLE IN WHAT WAS YUGOSLAVIA... I HEARD THAT PRESIDENT BUSH WAS LOOKING INTO INTERVENTION IN YUGOSLAVIA, JUST AS SOON AS SOME OIL WELLS COULD BE FOUND IN THE AREA. I FEAR THAT IS EXACTLY THE CASE! IT TOOK THE ALLIES FIVE MONTHS TO HELP OUT THE PEOPLE OF KUWAIT, IT HAS BEEN AROUND A YEAR SINCE THE SERBS AND CROATS AND WHOEVER ELSE STARTING KILLING EACH OTHER! INTERESTING ABOUT THE PARAS SHOOTING SOME AMERICAN MERCENARY PRISONERS DURING THE FALKLANDS WAR... THOUGH I HEAR SUCH A THING IS A BREACH OF THE GENEVA CONVENTION, I DO REMEMBER THE ARGIES STOCKPILING NAPALM BOMBS READY FOR USE DURING THE WAR, AND NAPALM IS, I BELIEVE, A BANNED WEAPON! BESIDES, IF YOU ARE A MERCENARY OF A NATIONALITY THAT IS AN ALLY OF THE PEOPLE YOU ARE FIGHTING AGAINST, YOU CAN BLOODY EXPECT HARSH TREATMENT WHEN YOU GET CAPTURED! WHAT IF AN AMERICAN SOLDIER WAS TO CAPTURE A BRITISH CITIZEN FIGHTING AGAINST AMERICAN FORCES IN, SAY, VIETNAM OR GRENADA? WOULD THIS BRIT GET TREATED TO FULL AND COURTEOUS P.O.W. RIGHTS... WOULD HE HELL! ACTUALLY, I AM SURE I SAW SOME STUFF ABOUT THE AMERICANS USING NAPALM, OR SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR, DURING THE GULF WAR. I THOUGHT AMERICA WAS ONE OF THE COUNTRIES THAT SIGNED THE GENEVA CONVENTION! FINALLY, WOODY ALLEN!!! I NEVER DID LIKE THE GUY, HE CANNOT ACT, IS NOT FUNNY AND LOOKS LIKE A SHIFTY SORT OF BLOKE. TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WITH HIM! NEVER MIND A TRIAL, JUST GET IT OVER WITH. A SINGLE GREET FLIES TOWARDS JOLLY ROGER II FOR SUPPLYING THE GAMES FOR THIS MENU, AND I DO NOT HAVE ANY ROOM TO GREET ANYONE ELSE! WRAP...